Categories
creative writing Life mental health poetry

Coffee Break Poetry

Business, Paper, Coffee, Table, Cup

Ever feel at a loss when it comes to giving your blog post a title? 😀 Today is one of those days. Honestly I’ve been skipping those all important “coffee breaks” lately because there really just isn’t enough time. I usually manage to get about 10 minutes of sit down quiet time in the morning where I read through some scripture, trying to strengthen my connection to God again because it feels like the busier I get I need to choose whether I look after myself or the family. These days I also feel like I’m fighting a losing battle in all areas. I may be on the brink of depression again (which usually happens around this time) so I’m choosing to “ignore” those thoughts and just accept what is and move forward, it takes so much energy to ignore and pretend but it’s what has to be done right now. There’s a lot going on for many people. I just hope that we can all find a way to get through whether the worries and burdens are pandemic related or not.

Aaaaaannnd I managed to get side tracked again…I don’t bother deleting because this is who I am lol. If we were to talk in real life you might have a hard time following. My bio dad said to me once that I might always be talking but I don’t really have much to say.

I generally sit with my daughter while she does school and we work at it together. For the past while she’s been doing poetry; longer than it should be but she really hates anything to do with writing so it’s been a struggle for sure! The one she enjoyed the most so far is the Bio poem. I found that we both needed encouragement from the other while doing this one though. I also realize that I still seem to struggle with recognizing feelings other than happy, sad, angry. So during our poetry time today I wrote while she wrote. We sat there together writing poetry while she drank hot chocolate and I drank my coffee and Ryan chased after the cat. It was complete chaos in the background honestly lol.

Here’s my masterpiece 😀

Angie
Funny, helpful, caring
Mother to Brody, Karina and Ryan
Who loves nature, photography, my kids, coffee and music
Who has felt love, acceptance, heartache and anger
Who fears loss, abandonment and world hatred
Who discovered her own beautiful imperfections & learned boundaries
Who wants to see a world full of true love without racism and hate
Born, raised and resides in Saskatchewan
Angie

As silly as it sounds, I’m actually looking forward to working with this one again. My daughter helped me write mine as I did hers so I think a fun little “experiment”, if you will, would be to have each of the kids do a bit of an interview with the others and they could write one for each other. I loved the look on Karina’s face as I named adjectives that described her. I compliment them all the time but this must have felt much different for her.

Anyway, I’m expecting company in about 5 minutes and there’s a spilled bowl of macaroni in the living room that should probably tend to before that knock on the door 🙂

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

-Ang

Categories
creative writing mental health poetry

Sunset Over The Water

Scenic View of Ocean During Sunset
The gulls cry out with shrieks of sorrow.
The waves sound softly against the shore
As the sun sets across the water.
Feel the soft breeze whisper through your hair.

One thing I always miss about the beautiful summer nights is the sunsets. My favorite place to watch them is at the lake while sipping wine on the private beach.

My husband’s family has a cabin at Jackfish Lake which is part of Meota but just on the other side of that lake. It’s the one place I feel completely relaxed and in tune with myself. I feel this way anywhere in nature really but but the water is where I’m most content. I haven’t been in the water for longer than I can remember and my anxiety gets too high with just the thought of going in. I can’t imagine why.

While I’ve been working on healing past traumas and wounds, this realization kept nagging at me. I used to love the water. I would go swimming for hours and my mom would have to bribe me to get out of the lake. Swimming pools aren’t even close to being the same thing. My family would call me a fish or a mermaid since I spent so much time in the water. Somewhere along the way something happened to cause a fear of being in the water. Hopefully I can get past this fear and enjoy some more time in the water.

Have a wonderful and safe day my friends!

-Ang

Categories
Life mental health poetry Uncategorized

(Re-Blog)Only If I Could! – A Poem (Part – 1)

I was so touched by this piece I just had to share it. It’s heart wrenching and sad in an all too familiar way. The tears fall freely each time I read this but for me it encouraged hope and healing and understanding that we are not alone. We don’t have to fight alone, we can hold each others hands for this long and difficult journey. Stay well my friends.

Thank you to http://aratibanstola.wordpress.com for allowing me to re-blog this and for sharing her heart with us.

Rtistic

Drawn and edited by me.

This time I’ve chosen to write a poetry about a very sensitive and serious issue, that is ‘RAPE’. I know it’s quite a long one, but I’ve written it with all my emotions, portraying myself as a clock hanging on the wall and narrating the story of a young girl in the room.


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Categories
creative writing Life mental health poetry

October 15,2020

My Mom would have celebrated her 60th birthday just a few days ago. I celebrated for her. I had to work that day and it was a hard day. I made it through and got home to have supper with my dad for Thanksgiving. I hope he enjoys that the kids love having him around as much as they do. Sometimes I forget they don’t share the same memories of him as I do.

Monday was the first day in about 2 years (as far I can remember) that the kids have seen their other Grandpa, my bio dad. I call him every once in awhile to see how he is doing because regardless of our short history of 7 years (hard to believe its been that long already) I genuinely care about his well-being and worry that he may end up back in jail. The kids were surprised and happy to see him. His face lit up when he saw us all get out of the car. He did not recognize my voice when I called him. We spent only about 20 minutes with him in the parking lot at the North Battleford Library.

Today we test out a different curriculum for my daughter. I feel comfortable enough in our routine that I am okay with trying something different. She has trouble sitting still or maintaining focus so moving, hands on activities and games are the best way for her to retain the things she learns. Math is a challenge, though I hear that from so many Moms and teachers.

I regret that I missed the most vital time for picture taking this time of year. Most of the leaves have changed and fell leaving bare branches everywhere I look. The leaves are now blowing freely throughout the streets and fields making their own adventures and living wildly before the cold and harsh Mr. Winter arrives.

I will leave you with this.

The colors are so fierce and bright,
I know their feelings in such depth, 
Our emotions entangled into one.

Stay well friends,

-Ang

Categories
Life mental health poetry

I’ve Been Stressing Again

Monochrome Photo of Woman

Thanksgiving. Christmas. Family, lack of it. Oy! Haven’t seen some of my family since last Christmas and that’s a really long time. I’m nervous about the upcoming holidays. Anxious actually.

The thing about anxiety is that I don’t believe it ever actually goes away. It’s always there lurking like a silent shadow creeping along beside you, only showing itself at the most inopportune times. When it’s not creeping it’s out in plain site with all it’s glory just hanging out for all to see while dragging you down the darkest alley while you scream profanities into the black holes of other faceless creatures. No one to help you, all judging in the harshest of ways from the color of your shoes to the way your hair curls awkwardly at the back.

No one else can see them, of course. And no one can see that this anxiety has been following you around day after day after day until it finally just jumps at you from behind a light post on your way to the park. And no one can see its long, scaly fingers and the grip they have on you as it drags you off screaming as loud as you can. All they see is you throwing a fit and screaming to no one and everyone.

All I want to do is stay home where I feel safe. All I want to do is go out and see people to take my mind off all the problems. All I want is … I don’t even know.

Well that took a turn in a direction I wasn’t planning. I’ll try again another time. Life is calling.