Last weekend was a hard one for me and it I’m still trying to wrap my head around the events and move past everything.
While at work on Friday there was an extremely rude customer who started yelling at me at the top of his lungs (well perhaps he could have went louder, I’m not sure) and he got in my face and started shaking his finger about a foot away from my nose. This was a hard trigger. I was immediately that little girl again being scolded for some minute thing that had my step dad getting mad. When the finger comes out I have only one chance to either run or brace myself. Looking back at this incident I go into tears with the fear that I didn’t feel then but probably should have. I didn’t run away. I braced myself. I braced myself for what I assumed I was about to get because I offered to help someone in a moment that he obviously didn’t want or need my help. I spoke out of turn. I moved without being asked to do something. I breathed before permission was granted. This man was escorted out by security and management.
Saturday was going relatively well. I was on the road by 5:30 am and was going to be heading home by 1:30 pm. At about 12, the other supervisor that was working with me filled me in on the situation regarding a cashier that had been missing quite a bit of work lately. I was told not to approach her with the topic of her mom. I asked why, what was happening? You see, I went to school with her mom, I consider her a friend. I had just spoke to her 4 days prior to this and nothing out of the ordinary was mentioned. Her mom committed suicide I was told. My mind turned off and whirled a trillion times around at the same time. I felt dizzy, I felt sick. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t hear her though she kept right on talking. I remember thinking things like: When did I talk to her last? How did she sound? When was she last on Facebook? Mom, send me sign if she’s there with you. I stayed at work late, didn’t leave until 3. I couldn’t go because I have that long drive and I knew I would have a break down. My heart felt so heavy for her family. I needed to call her mom, maybe her brother would be best. Oh, her poor kids. Didn’t she know how loved she was???
Wait… Rewind here. Something isn’t sitting right. In my heart I know something isn’t right. I can’t think this through while I’m driving. By the time I got home (my husband and the kids were out for a walk) I was so mentally drained, my eyes so puffy it hurt to blink, my head pounding, I went to lay down. I fluffed up my favorite pillow and pulled my mink blanket up to my chin. It’s ok, I don’t have to start supper, it’s important that I take care of myself first. I need to lay down. I dozed off a couple of short times but every time I woke my mind was racing again. Little ideas and thoughts poking through the fog and I could sense that I may be in denial about the whole thing. I know she had issues and that this was entirely possible but my mind and heart together were screaming for my attention to details. I grabbed my phone and started digging. By 8 pm that night I received a message from her saying she was indeed not dead and that she would be speaking to her daughter as soon as she was home.
*insert screechy sound of the record stopping here*
Not cool little girl, not cool at all. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to work with her again and not go all mom mode on her. I know if this was me that did that, her mom would’ve been speaking to me and my mom would have words for her too. I’ll stay out of it though because I also know that my friend has it handled.
Sunday we had two more instances that needed management and one that we nearly had to call the police for. This isolation thing is getting to people in bad ways. People need socialization to survive. They also need to play nice while out in public…