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I Made It Through Yet Another September (well, almost)

September.

Ever since 2010, the months of August, September and December have been so hard due to some hard times and family things. The depression hits, the mood swings are worse because of numerous reasons, my sleep suffers and I really struggle to even get out of bed most days.

This summer was a very intentional summer in my home. I made a real effort to have fun with the kids, help them make their own decisions (big and small), do things they wanted to do and at the same time fill my own cup with making our adventures educational and memorable. The summer flew by with their first camping trip, their first tenting experience, time at my husband’s family cabin with just me and them, nature walks, sunset chasing, dragonfly saving…ALL the things! I needed it, they needed it. I also made sure to allow tons of time for them to spend with their cousin who they will not be seeing much now that he is starting school many hours away in Moose Jaw. They had their last play date and we were all sad saying good-bye. I worry about him being so far away. And I also worried daily about the 2020 school year looming and what it was going to look like.

Mid-August my youngest turned 5. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened so fast. The day of his birthday I received an email asking all families to let the school district know if they were NOT planning on sending their children back to school. This was a big decision in which I had been speaking to my kids about probably more often than necessary. They knew their options and understood that there was no wrong answer but I wanted them to make that decision from their heart.

Starting September 9th this year my children began new journeys that they had a part in deciding. I am proud of them for making the decision and I am in their corners all the way.

Brody

Brody began grade 5 with a teacher who shares my son’s love of all things nature. He is catching grasshoppers for the class salamanders and helping his teacher find all sorts of bugs and animals outside which his teacher documents and photographs (he is working with some sort of group having to do with nature-I really can’t remember what it is though). The fact that he needs to wear a mask all day and on the bus has not worried him one tiny bit! (Polar opposite from his mom here)

Karina

Karina began her grade 3 year as a homeschooler. We decided not to do remote learning or distance learning. It wasn’t really as much our decision as what ended up happening because of lack of information and poor communication…I can always fill you in on that later lol. Regardless of where her education was going to come from though, she was not going back to school (at least for now). We are only 2 weeks into it and we have already had many ups and downs but I’m learning what kind of learner she is, what makes her tick when it comes to school, and trying to remind myself that I am teaching her, Karina, not me. We all learn differently and this is not a classroom in a school.

Ryan

Ryan started his first day of Kindergarten on September 15. He will be going every second day for the whole day. This is so great for him! He gets to spend time with so many other kids other than his brother and sister and I know this was the right choice for hi as well. Lol, he didn’t make that decision on his own but he did get to give his thoughts and concerns. The mask was not a concern (for him, different story for me haha). I can’t wait to see what kinds of great pieces of art work he will bring home! I just love watching them grow and change throughout their years!

The Workplace

My biggest struggle by far has been my workplace. When they implemented mandatory masks for employees and customers this meant that each I worked I fought back those anxieties and all the trauma responses that come with it. It is exhausting to have to find a way to do my job, deal with customers yelling and threatening (another big trigger for me), my own mental health including the panic attacks that were incurring constantly due to all the triggers and extra stress…I was a mental mess. I still am, to be honest. I’m finding it very hard to cope with it all.

I also worry about the impact this year is going to have on people world wide long term. I fear we’re going to end up with more mass shootings or bomb threats or heaven only knows! I don’t feel there’s enough mental health support for everyone during this pandemic. It worries me that someone could literally *snap* at any given time and I sometimes worry that someone might be me or a teacher at my kid’s school, or a customer that I ask to please pull up their mask. The fear is real.

Anyway, take care for now friends. I’ve missed everyone over the past couple of months and I can’t promise how often I will be able to pop in, at least until I can find some sort of groove with this crazy life, but I’m over here thinking of all of you!

I also want to say a special thank you to Dwain for reaching out. It’s not the first time and honestly I hope it’s not the last. You know when those bad days just pile up and nothing is going according to plan, when the depression has hit too many times to count and you just feel like nothing you do matters anymore? Dwain, your email helped me realize that there are people out there who (even though we’ve never met) care. This means a lot and I truly appreciate your kindness.

-Ang

By Angie

Hi! First off, thanks for popping in! I started this blog for a number of reasons and if you look through the posts you will see all sorts of randomness. I'm a mom of 3 living in a small village in Saskatchewan. We are a household that is on the go a lot with the nearest city an hour away. We love reading, going for walks, playing at as many parks as we can find and just hanging out.
I struggle with anxiety, depression, & ptsd but strive to find the positive in the every day ordinary moments and thank the good Lord for all the blessings I have :)
My Mental Health journey has recently reminded me of my love for all kinds of art, writing poetry being the first to reintroduce myself to. It's hard to open up and let those feelings flow after being buried so deep for so long.
I have a little bit of everything here so I won't take it personally if you don't like or connect to everything I write, but I do really appreciate you being here and sharing in this journey of me re-discovering my true self through words and thoughts that don't always make sense to anyone but myself :D

6 replies on “I Made It Through Yet Another September (well, almost)”

Sorry you’ve had such a rough time. I didn’t write an email, but my invisible thoughts were always there because my blog was sorely missing comments. 😀

I hope you have a better fall. This is always an odd time for me. I won’t go into detail, but I get where you’re coming from. I truly hope everything goes fantastically fantastic this season. Take care of yourself. You do such a good job taking care of everyone else. 🙂

Your acquaintance in the blogosphere. 😉

Liked by 1 person

My next big hurdle is Christmas, but that’s common for so many people.
I didn’t mean for it to sound like everyone should send emails, I probably wouldn’t have the courage to do it personally 😂. I just meant that it was what I needed to sort of make that last little push to get back here and catch up with everyone. Aside from all the sadness this time of year brings me, its my absolute favorite time of year! The beautiful colors of Autumn, the crispness in the air, the comforting smell, the pies…. 😆 Here I go dreaming again 🙄
Have a great day Val!!

Liked by 1 person

Hi Angie, We do care. You are so right, we need more mental health support. It’s hard to maintain HOPE when there is so much in the news that feeds depression &/or denial. But please remember there are more Good people than Bad — but no Perfect people. It’s good you can share your thoughts; you are not alone.

Liked by 1 person

Thank you 🙏 You’re right, we are not alone and there are so many here that such an amazing support system!! Sometimes we just hear our minds saying the same thing over and over and we begin to believe. I’m so glad there are no PERFECT people! How boring life would be!!

Liked by 1 person

Hi Angie. I figured the pandemic and associated anxieties may have been taking a toll on you. So sorry to hear what you have been/are going through. It cannot be easy with three young ones and it looks like the best medicine was to spend your time doing things with them. It is for sure a crazy world right now and we are all trying our best to make sense of it all and get a degree of normalcy back. I am glad you are back blogging and wish you nothing but the best. We all missed you. Allan

Liked by 2 people

It’s funny sometimes a person thinks they’re coping well and fine and suddenly without notice it’s like you can’t see where you’re going, stumbling in the dark and you fall off what you perceive as a huge never ending cliff…only to open your eyes a realize it was only a chair and you’re really okay.
Thanks Allan, I’m glad to be back as well. Maybe not as often as I would like but hopefully soon.
Take care 😊

Liked by 1 person

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